The S-E-X Word

» Posted in Marriage and Relationships, Personal Growth, Trauma and Abuse | 0 comments


What’s the one thing the world seems obsessed with but is rarely talked about in most homes and marriages? That’s right – it’s SEX. Sexual images and suggestive talk abound, but really, when it comes down to talking about our sex life honestly, that’s where most people stall. They either avoid talking about it, are uncomfortable with it, or joke about it to keep it light.

But it’s a pretty serious subject. There’s been more damage done in the name of sex – whether through abuse, pornography, addictions, or wrong ideas about sex – than probably anything else. I don’t think there is one person – especially women – who has come to adulthood without some sort of negative experience around sex or their sexuality. I mean, look around at how culture demeans us through sex and the license taken in the name of sexual freedom. Today, the number of young girls who experience date rape (e.g., non-consensual sex while under the influence of drugs slipped into their drinks) is growing at an alarming rate.

But even if you haven’t experience this level of trauma, I would guess that sex has had its challenges for you – whether it’s a desire to practice abstinence because of your faith in the face of serious temptation, struggles to break free from addictions to pornography, guilt or shame for bad choices made sexually, or a whole host of emotional and physical things that can interfere with healthy sexuality.

And if you’re married, the likelihood is high that there have been difficulties in your sex life – whether it’s an issue of frequency, different sex drives, or dissatisfaction with some aspect of sex with your partner. Inevitably with couples who come for marital therapy, sex plays a key role in some of the couple’s conflicts or problems. Sometimes it’s easily resolved – such as making time or getting over the pregnancy hormonal changes – but other times, it can be a deal breaker. But it’s something that gets slipped under the carpet and rarely talked about (maybe because every time it’s brought up, there have only been arguments). But like anything that gets pushed under the carpet, the problems don’t go away.

So we don’t talk about it. Not really. Not in a healthy, God-honouring way.

I was at a women’s conference recently, and when they brought in a sex therapist to talk to us about healthy sexuality, the number of red faces, squirming bodies and averted gazes was really quite fascinating. But interestingly, the research presented by this therapist indicated that healthy sexuality is crucial to our overall health and well-being. So why don’t we talk about it?

It’s becoming a HUGE problem that needs to be addressed. My good friend, Brett Ullman, tells me how often he encounters this issue. He is so passionate about it that he travels around Canada talking to people about sex.  He asks tough questions – not to condemn – but to get people to start thinking and to TAKE ACTION to take back our sexuality in a God-honouring way.

In the words of LifeCare Centre’s Executive Director, Scott Armstrong, who specializes in couple therapy and treating sexual addictions: “In my practice I see first-hand the devastating impact our oversexed and permissive culture is having on our marriages, our families, our teens and children. Our society is in desperate need for sound teaching on sex and sexuality that is Godly and rooted in truth. In response to this, we must equip ourselves and our surrounding communities with clear knowledge and understanding that brings a message of respect, dignity, and appreciation for the gift of sex.”

So I want to start a revolution – even a counter-revolution. Let’s reclaim sex in the way God intended it when he first introduced Eve to Adam. Let’s talk openly and honestly about our sexual fears, desires and hang-ups. Let’s learn how we can love our spouses well through their physical needs. And let’s pursue healing if we’ve been damaged, abused, hurt or caught up in the negative cycle of sexual addiction.

At our counselling centre, we believe so strongly in healthy sex that we’ve brought in some experts and are hosting two conferences – one for professionals who treat individuals for sexual dysfunction and one for people wanting to enrich their marriage or singles wanting to learn more about healthy sexuality. We’re so passionate about it, we’re willing to put our time, energy and money towards educating people and getting them talking.

If this is something that you want to learn more about – and you want to come to learn how to talk about this difficult topic in a safe environment, guided by world-renowned sex experts, check this out.  Believe me, it’ll be worth YOUR time and investment.

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